Navigating Identity in a Hypersexualized World
My own identiy shift, as a born again
I grew up in the 70s in a socialist Nordic country, where the air was thick with the promotion of sexual liberation. Even at preschool and kindergarten ages, children were exposed to the idea that sexuality was “natural” and something to be embraced without reservation. But amidst this cultural deluge, there was a whisper of wisdom that resonated deep within me, passed down from my grandmother—a wisdom rooted in Scripture, in biblical truth.
Yet, in a society where the prevailing belief was shoved down my throat from a tender age, there seemed little room for a child to grow up in the identity of Christ. Instead, I found myself defined by the prevailing narrative—a sexually liberated young woman. This identity clung to me until for most of my life, though marriage, widowhood, dating again, until – I experienced a radical transformation—a spiritual awakening that led me to embrace the truth of being born again. Against the odds, my culture couldn’t stop Jesus from reaching into my heart.
For those unfamiliar with the term, being born again signifies a profound spiritual shift—from seeking to being found by Jesus, located by the Holy Spirit, and healed from within. It’s akin to a spiritual heart surgery that defies explanation in mere words. From this moment on, I became a new person, my identity no longer tethered to notions of sex, sexuality, or gender. (and not to work, career, success or money eihter, it all fell away instantly) I was redeemed, saved, perfectly made in His image.
Yet, this newfound identity poses a conundrum—how to navigate a world that preaches a vastly different message? How to build intimacy, particularly when seeking a spouse, without succumbing to the sexualized, marketed and fabricated identities thrust upon us?
In the following discourse, I explore strategies for establishing identity and building intimacy without being ensnared by the culture’s sexualized agenda. Drawing from personal experience and biblical wisdom, I offer insights into reclaiming our true identity in Christ and fostering meaningful connections rooted in love, respect, and spiritual depth. And no, you do not have to be christian to derive value from this, this is for everyone who wants to feel valued for who you truly are.
Navigating a Hypersexualized World
In this world there is incessant buzz around sex, sexuality, sexual orientation, and gender identity and this often drowns out the gut instict that we all have, of our true identity, that we are something MORE than just a body, and it’s increasingly challenging to anchor ourselves in something deeper and more profound than the fleeting desires of the flesh. Porn use is at an all time high, raking in more money than even Hollyowood. This desperate need for identity from sexuality has run its course. We are at the bottomm now. But is it really true, that our identity is only skin deep? What if there is another way to root our identity, not in societal constructs, or physical attributes, not in manmade concepts, but in the unshakeable truth that we are made in the image of God?
Establishing an identity in Christ amidst the cacophony of sexualized messages requires a concentrated, intentional effort and a steadfast commitment to denying the lies, and to focusing only on truth. First off, here are some practical steps and insights to guide you on this journey of rediscovery:
- Embrace Your True Identity: The first step towards establishing an identity in Christ is to embrace the truth of who you are in Him. You are not defined by your sexual orientation, gender identity, past mistakes, or societal labels. You are a beloved child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made in His image (Psalm 139:14). Allow this truth to permeate every aspect of your being. No, this CAN’T be done by the intellectual mind, because tha natural mind can never understand the mind of God. -And the darkness comprehended it not- No, it has to be done by an invitation to Christ to enter in to our hearts, mind and soul. HE will reveal our identity from the inside out.
- Renew Your Mind: In a culture that bombards us with distorted views of sexuality, renewing our minds with the truth of God’s Word is paramount. Fill your mind with Scripture, meditate on His promises, and allow the Holy Spirit to transform your thinking (Romans 12:2). Avoid looking at any secularized message that tells you that you are just a body, wether it be from instagram images, billboards or from online forums or irl conversations. Make a decision to leave all talks that center around a shallow idenetiy, as body, simply refuse to participate. Instead, you align your thoughts with God’s truth, by opening up the Bible, you’ll find clarity and freedom from the lies of the enemy. No. You do not have to analyze the Bibel, you do not have to really understand everything either, it is more of a spiritual act of opening the door for The Holy Spisit to come into your heart. Opening the word is opening the door.
- Cultivate Intimacy: True intimacy in romantic relationships transcends physical gratification. Once a relationship has gone phsyical, it can stagnate on an emotional level. Real intimacy goes much deeper than sexuality, it’s about knowing and being known deeply, authentically, and vulnerably. Seek to cultivate intimacy in your relationships through meaningful conversations, shared experiences, and genuine emotional connection. Invest time and effort into building trust and mutual respect, allowing love to flourish beyond the confines of sexuality.
- Explore Alternative Expressions of Intimacy: Intimacy is multifaceted, encompassing emotional, spiritual, and relational dimensions. Explore alternative ways to build intimacy that don’t revolve around sex or sexuality.
- Find Community: Surround yourself with a supportive community of believers who will encourage and uplift you on your journey. Yes, it is much easier if you are surrounded by peers who build you up.
- Embrace Grace and Redemption: Remember that your identity in Christ is not based on your performance or perfection. It’s rooted in the grace and redemption found in Jesus Christ. When you stumble or fall short, don’t wallow in shame or condemnation. Instead, run to the loving arms of your Heavenly Father, who offers forgiveness, restoration, and a fresh start.
New Ways of Intimacy:
1. Physical Intimacy:
- Friendly Touch: Offer hugs, pats on the back, or shoulder massages to alleviate tension and convey warmth and care. Physical touch DOES build intimacy, but it does not have to be sexual until you are ready.
- Shared Physical Activities: Engage in activities like walking, hiking, or dancing together, fostering physical closeness without sexual undertones.
- Non-sexual Cuddling: Enjoy cuddling while watching a movie or sitting together, creating a sense of comfort and connection.
2. Emotional Intimacy:
- Deep Conversations: Share your thoughts, feelings, dreams, and fears openly and authentically, building trust and understanding.
- Active Listening: Practice active listening techniques to truly hear and empathize with your partner’s experiences and emotions.
- Shared Experiences: Create memories together through shared activities, adventures, and meaningful rituals that strengthen your bond.
3. Spiritual Intimacy:
- Prayer and Worship: Pray together, attend religious services, or participate in spiritual practices that align with your beliefs.
- Discuss Beliefs: Engage in discussions about faith, values, and spiritual experiences, deepening your understanding of each other’s spiritual journey.
4. Intellectual Intimacy:
- Exploring Mutual Interests: Dive into topics that interest both of you, whether it’s literature, art, science, or philosophy, stimulating intellectual curiosity and mutual understanding.
- Learning Together: Take classes, attend lectures, or read books together, fostering intellectual growth and shared experiences.
I hope this offers some releif from the hypersexualized world that surrounds us, and I hope that you know that you are more than a body, more than your gender, more than your sexuality. You havea right to reject a massage that reduces you to a mere arrangement of atoms, cells and genes.
Your Identity in Christ
So, who are you in Christ? You are a beloved child of God, chosen, redeemed, and called to a life of purpose and significance. Embrace your true identity, rooted in Him, and let His love and truth guide you through the complexities of this hypersexualized world. If you have been given a gift of attraction for someone special, imagine that God din’t not give you that gift so that you could squander it. Lust that is immedietely acted on does not satisfy for very long. Imagine that God gave you a handful of dirt. You can either plant a seed in it, nurture that seed and watch it grow, or you can throw that handful of dirt on your dinner plate and eat it today. Lust inside of a marriage creates a strenghtening bond, that leads to happiness for the longhaul. It is your gift to do with as you will, but make the choice be yours, not the culture around you.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
2 Corintians 5.17
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