Do you have  a wounded inner child? Manifesting and Post traumatic growth

 Do you have  a wounded inner child? Manifesting Post traumatic growth

Trauma is not a memory, a memory has no tangible physical existence in and of itself, trauma is a physical reaction. A memory that has lodged itself into the cells and fibers and spaces of the physical body. Setting the body free during times of triggers creates a new program for the body calls. We don’t cognitively know or understand trauma triggers, our only cues that there is a trauma memory is our feelings of unsafety when no direct danger is nearby. Trauma makes a home in the subconscious program. We don’t have conscious access to it.

Our body tells us about it.

Our minds are not cognitively involved in this process, as a matter of fact, our cognition glitches and goes offline when we are triggered. The wounded inner child comes out. If you  have a healthy inner child, the child still feels safe in times of stress, and you find cognitively healthy ways to cope with it, and that is that. The wounded inner child immediately feels its life threatened and comes out to take over.

Beginning with today, you are shaping a new future, free from physical responses such a shut down, freeze, please and appease or stockholm syndrome, and chronic or explosive fight or flight.

Post traumatic growth

  • Are you manifesting but you are feeling strong inner resistance at the same time?
  • People keep talking about manifesting their desires but what you are feeling is more of a panicky desperation, and less of a desire

If this is you,  you are not alone, and  if you can’t get it right, even if you  have all the tools to check yourself, there is light at the end of the tunnel

 Let’s  make an intention before we go on:

“I intend to not have my energy tied up to this resistant or painful past anymore. I intend to release this energy now, and to move forward in harmony with my inner joy.

(By the way, At the bottom of my videos, I leave contact information for people to reach out for help if they feel emotionally or psychologically hurt.  It is important to address every issue at its own level.)

The “inner child” is made up of the memories and impressions in your subconscious mind from your younger self. When you were a child you had experiences that formed the current mental shortcuts. If we grow up in a safe environment, we develop something called emotional intelligence, and we have the ability to address problems as they arise, we develop a sense of agency, we are empowered, and know how to handle a variety of stressful situations.  On the other hand, if the child grows up in an unsafe environment, if it has to develop its own survival skills, it never develops emotional intelligence, and when the individual encounters stressful situations in the future it becomes flooded with stress chemicals, it never develops the feeling of safety, and instead feels out of control during stressful events. The adult is unable to identify and assess the strategies to handle stressful situations, their reaction is instead to make the flooding of the out of control emotions stop. This makes us feel usafe, and to function on a fear driven autopilot. This is a state.

We don’t understand why we over react, shut down, go into depression, or act immature and impulsive, or  lash out. This is a state. 

We don’t understand why we have overwhelming anxiety. This is a state.

Sometimes we develop an adaptive child, this is like an adult, a survival mechanism, but this is still an inner child and not truly a mature adult. This adaptive child is all work and no play, can experience no spontaneity, destroy intimate  relationships, and is a highly effective workaholic.This is a state.

The state can only experience what exists within that state.

These behaviors were created to survive the life of the child. Nature levels us up, and grows us when we play, play is nature’s indicator that we are ready to evolve. This child never felt safe enough to play, and is still stuck in the unsafe past. This is a state. I know that I am repeating myself, it is time to fully understand the concept of state, and to heal the inner child, and to do that this child needs to feel safe enough to play.

The inner child wants to feel safe enough to come out to lay. Tapping into play, creativity, and just simple fun makes the inner child start to feel safe. 

If you act immature, impulsive or if you just run away from stressful situations, because that is how the inner child got out of scary situations in the past, but now you are an adult and you want to have healthy relationships, but you just don’t have the skills to identify and cope with your emotions that are flooding, then learning how to identify feelings, and learning how to handle them, or becoming in touch with your emotions, will help the inner child feel safe. It is now safe to have emotions, so allowing emotions to be experienced without trying to run away from them, and just sitting with them in unconditional love for yourself and your emotions will heal the inner child and start to feel safe. This will help the inner child learn how to make itself feel better.This is a state.

Sometimes we just feel a sense of blah, and this inner child is not feeling safe to have emotions, and this is an indication that we need to get in touch with our feelings, and to allow those emotions and sit with them with unconditional love. This is a state.

Sometimes the inner child becomes hypervigilant or shuts down its empathy, and this inner child is fine alone, but is unable to be with other people. This makes the adult unable to identify emotions in others accurately, and so does not know how to respond to others, this inner child grew up with a lot of dysfunction, and can’t respond appropriately to stress situations and was not able to develop empathy or emotional intelligence. This inner child has developed its own skills, but during stress,  their executive skills go off line and they go into emotional responses. This is a state.

If we can tap into the inner child, and learn how to respond to the inner child when it is being triggered, then you can respond to it.  Learning how to respond to the inner child with the loving care of a safe parent, reparenting yourself will help your inner child feel safe. Emotionally your ability to tap into the inner wonder of a child, will give the ability to find happiness in just about anything, and this is a state. 

Become aware of the child-like impulses,and following your creative and fun ideas can start to make the inner child feel safe. Make a schedule, to let your inner child out to play every day. This inner child has learned that life is now safe. If you never let the inner child out to play, your life will continue to be drab and lifeless. Manifestation is all about creativity, but if your inner child is wounded and scared, manifesting is all about despair, panic and resistance. This is a state.

Learn how to see things from new eyes, look at different angles, expand your view point, learn how to ask why not?  A happy and safe child is not at all concerned with what it is told can not happen, learn how to see possibilities beyond the impossible. Manifesting is all about envisioning the impossible, just like a happy and safe child does.  Start with asking “why not” more often, and see things from the other’s viewpoint.  Become a wide eyed inner child, filled with wonder. This is a state.

These things begin to heal the inner child, and you will feel safe to express your inner creativity, your inner play, and you will begin to feel safe with your emotions and you will validate your emotions. Consistently check in with your inner child so that it can learn that it is safe. Validate the inner child, even if objectively there is no threat, if it starts to get triggered, and figure out how to respond to it. This is a state.

The wounded inner child begins to feel safe by theses things:

  • Play
  • Validation
  • Expanded view point

To play, find time for even the smallest amount of creativity, or non productive activity, have no goal. Paint, sing, dance, build, watch ants, fly a kite, build legos, line up rocks in a formation, jump up and down, or roll down a hill, paint rocks or bead a necklace.  Play equals safety, and play is natures sign that it is time for growth,

Validate all emotions, no feelings are too big, too wrong, too mean, too painful, too inappropriate or too unevolved. Welcome all emotions with a loving heart, and sit with your inner child, reparent it and let it cry, let it be angry and don’t ask it to be any different. Just validate its feelings, and love it anyway. Validating emotions signals safety.

An expanded view point begins to see things through the eyes of a child, childlike wonder  – “I wonder”. It is safe if it can see another’s point of view. This is safety. Seeing another point of view is a signal of safety.

Love your neighbor as yourself

Manifesting love.

The only problem with loving someone as oneself,  is that it means nothing to someone who has endured prolonged trauma, and hasn’t healed. There is no self love there. This is  the basis and foundation for all successful LOA, and without it we can commit an unreasonable amount of self harm, unwittingly, unintentionally, manifesting through a broken lens, never understanding how to shift out of a  trauma state, and into a playful creative, loving, or  joyous state. Without understanding ourselves, we feel more and more frustrated and broken the more we try to manifest. We DO love others!  Why won’t it work?   This recipe of loving your neighbor as yourself only works once we start loving ourselves.  

This is the reason why we get stuck in toxic trauma bonded relationships, and even after break up want that toxicity back. The healed inner child validates its emotions, and knows that this is not a love relationship. This is a state of self love.

When we talk about manifesting, the single most important thing to remember is that what we call  The Law of Assumption, is in fact a law,  and existed before this term was coined.   “Law of assumption” is a name we gave to something  that existed long before we gave it a name.  The basis for this concept is thousands of years old, and has gone by many names over time. This is not exactly a spiritual belief system, it is more of a function of the universe. 

The law dictates one important thing. – We are always seeking our desires.  Always. When  our basic needs are not met, we seek happiness in the outside circumstances. Our basic needs are for food, safety, and love, but  it is the very same mechanism, our desires, that ultimately causes us to turn inward, toward what will give us lasting happiness. Inner peace. Self validation.   The levels of consciousness are different but the quality of desire is the same. 

Understanding the quality of desire vs the quality of resistance helps us shift state. Using the skills above, to heal the wounded inner child, we can shift state, and discover NEW desires, desires that are playful, joyous and filled with wonder.

 When we understand how to transcend  our previous wounds, we can use our relationships as a stepping stool towards honing in on greater and greater states of wonder, and our  relationships should be part of honing in on this.

We are all driven by the exact same mechanism, and the only difference is the level of consciousness that we find ourselves in , and this is what is called a state. 

When the wounded inner child stays wounded it is hard to feel safe in the world, and it can not see beyond its own unsafe state. This leap into the unknown takes some faith and courage, and that is what all manifesting is. A leap into the unknown.

Making a shift away from grasping at what you don’t want, more unsafe and toxic experiences, and refocusing your attention on the qualities within you that you want to experience, is working with the law of assumption, rather than trying to work against it. The more you fight what you don’t want the more it digs in.

Lets remember the intention we made at the beginning:

“I intend to not have my energy tied up to this resistant or painful past anymore. I intend to release this energy now, and to move forward in harmony with my inner joy.

It is so easy to think that just talking about our struggles, or venting, or discovering that we even have past trauma is all we need, but we also need to do the work.

The work is:

  • Play
  • Validation
  • Expanded view point

When we see any negative in the world around us, and use this as a stepping stone towards a greater manifestation we have learned how to play. 

When we experience emotions of any kind and still keep our loving focus, and continue to validate ourselves, we have learned self love.

When we  see beyond the narrow viewpoint of the negative black and white thinking, we can see gray areas as well as possibilities and positives, then we have learned to expand our viewpoint.

Our healing has begun.

Let’s make another intention:

“I intend to l use my inner conversations to soothe myself, and I intend to reparent myself.”

Emotional intelligence is exactly what it sounds like. It is helpful in times of stress because it gives you agency, methods to cope with stressful situations and in safe ways,  in ways that do not cause PTSD or trauma. 

Knowing this is half the battle.

None of this is insurmountable, and remember that God / Universe /Source / Creator  is the doer, and you are the intender.  

You don’t have to “do” the healing, you just have to intend.

Our identity is our life. 

What would you do if you didn’t have the identity of being traumatized? 

Have you considered doing what you would be doing  do if you had the identity of having been raised wholesome, respected, loved unconditionally, appreciated for simply being here in this world and not for any accomplishments, if your creative expressions in this world had been received with interest and excitement and support, if your emotional outbursts like anger or frustration or sadness had been met with equanimity, recognition, acknowledgment, and unconditional love?

Let’s play with that imagination. 

A healthy and integrated inner child comes out when you tap into it, and when it is appropriate. The healthy inner child Likes to play, for plays sake, likes to follow whims and creative endeavors, likes to  banter, likes to dance, to sing  songs, and ride on the grocery cart, the healthy inner child simply likes to celebrate life. The healthy and integrated inner child taps into awe, wonder, miracles and serendipity,  and finds happiness in a breath of fresh air, or in  seeing butterflies. Think of a child absorbed in building legos, or stacking blocks, or watching ants. Yes as an adult it is not always appropriate to let out the inner child but nurturing this quality  is a sign to our consciousness that it is time for you to level up. Our consciousness is our creative imagination and this is alo our creative power.

Just like a healthy child doesn’t care what it has been told it can’t do, so does your inner consciousness not recognize any cant’s,  it wants to play, expand and grow. Let it play.

This is part of the quantum jump methods that take you from your old man state to your new man state. This is why we need to heal. Healing is a quantum jump.

Healing your inner child lets it  out to play again, and now you are ready to play, and when you start to play you become a master. A master at what you do.

Consistently check on your inner child, consistently validate your inner child, consistently expand your view point. 

If your inner child is  scared, see yourself picking it up and holding it in your arms.

Imagine a body filled with movements that are free, that are joyous and expansive, that show off and shine, that give presence and connection freely and generously.

Imagine your body posture standing tall and open, with uncrossed arms, with an open chest and heart area, with your head held high. Imagine a smile so radiant, imagine a laughter that releases butterflies and rainbows! Imagine dancing.

Imagine your palms turned out, welcoming and receptive. Imagine hugging people more tightly. Imagine facing them completely and giving a big tight squeeze, not one of those standoffish sideways non hugs.  

Imagine hearing sounds that please you, people talking and laughing, the wind soothing breezes, the birds chirping, imagine noticing people holding hands and feeling your heart beat faster for them from happiness, imagine finding things in nature and wanting to make an art project out that, imagine waking up in the morning and throwing your arms out and saying ahhh what amazing day today will be! Imagine noticing that the sunrise is so beautiful! . 

Notice these things now.

This is manifestation. 

This is how we manifest, we notice, we appreciate, we zero in on, we focus our attention. 

Before we allow healing to happen, before we are brave enough to release this grip of this total identity, we make all of our life choices out of that state. 

The trauma state. 

We make our career choices from that state, we decide on our financial capabilities from that state, we choose our circle of friends from that state, and lastly, we choose our life partner or partners from that state. Whilst you are in a state of trauma, or traumatized, or even the state of survivor, there is no possible way to see out of that state and peer into another state. 

Our state shapes our life.

The longer you choose to carry around this burden of an identity as a trauma survivor, the longer you are keeping your true identity as  joyous away from yourself, your purpose in life is always out of your sight, and no matter how much you try to understand what your purpose is here on this planet you won’t. That insight does not exist in the traumatized state. 

Your partner will reflect what you believe that you deserve from the state you are in,  and you may hold yourself in poverty because you hold onto this identity. 

When you decide that enough is enough, and you have become so uncomfortable in this “old man” state,  you will finally begin to make these changes within you that are necessary.  

Of course, some of the life that you have built around you will no longer fit. 

Your friends, your social circle although you spent so much of your time with them might feel toxic now, maybe they drink and party every time you get together and you don’t want to abuse yourself like that anymore. 

Maybe your partner who has never committed and only thrown you breadcrumbs until now will feel inadequate. 

Many people get scared of healing at this point and many quit here, and find that it is more comfortable to stay in the safe zone, the old man state, unwilling to outgrow these toxic people.

This is natural.

Let healing happen in natural spurts, when you can’t stand the old state anymore, you will make the changes, you will do the healing work.  By then you will be ready to let go of some of that. You will be  ready to embrace a new you, a you that has permission to walk in this world happy and whole. That says it is fine if an old toxic friend no longer likes you, a you who is willing to walk away from a non-committal relationship.

You might find that you want to change religious or political beliefs too,  here but no matter what you do about that, try to stay the course of facing your inner desires, because this isn’t about adopting yet another identity or persona, it is not about  finding a different false identity to cling to, this is about you giving yourself permission to be all that you can be.  

Your identity needs to remain free from the dead world of circumstances, otherwise you will never be able to become the operant power in your universe. Liberate yourself from the need to belong to any belief system at all.

Let’s make another intention now:

“I intend to improve my input,  in order to improve my output. I intend to reduce negative input through my eyes, I intend to reduce negative input through my ears, I intend to reduce negative input through my speech, and I intend to reduce negative input through my touch.  I intend to reduce negative input through my thoughts, and through the  negative plotting of my mind. When I control my five senses they become avenues that create more stability, peace and happiness within.  I choose to see good”

Dr Anna Bäck

mother and and her daughter hugging each other on white background
Photo by Irina Demyanovskikh

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