So, what is healthy sexual expression? I’ve been too embarrassed to ask due to my very conservative upbringing. How does sexual expression relate to spirituality?
I wanted to answer this question (from a forum), due to the massive amounts of shaming answers this woman got. The connection between New Age spirituality, and dogmatic religion is very often around sex. The shaming continues after leaving dogma behind. This makes no sense, we should leave the shaming behind as well. After reading the answers that tried to convince her and perhaps themselves that sex, across the board, is ALWAYS this that or the other (insert shaming words).
This my answer to her:
(I added more due to the length in a social media comment, this answer is more extensive)
“I’m not sure if you feel that your question got answered?
There are different “planes” of existence, when it comes to sex.
Number one, sex is physical, not spiritual, do not let people fool you, it is an abuse tactic that has spilled over from dogmatic pathological religion. You only have to look at Taoism and Tantra to discover that they are in full disagreement with for example, the Church.
Let me help you sort through this.
One plane of existence of sex is to be exchanged only in the physical. This is related to the sacral chakra, if you like to think of things in terms of the chakras. It is physical attraction. Nothing else. There is no coffee in the morning required, no deep conversation, no mutual exchange of ideas or thoughts or opinions. This happens when people just want to have sex and no further connection. The key is to know WHERE YOU are, and where the other person is. Any deception here about true intentions causes problems, emotional pain, etc. Honesty is what you need. What is it that you truly want? Do you want a loving connection but you are trying to get that through sex? That does not work.
Another level of existence is the typical relationship. Here we have some amount of physical attraction, on a scale from strong to slight or even none. There is a mutual exchange of ideas and agreement on most topics. A tit for tat exchange of tasks. I wash dishes you go to work. It is a common level of existence that causes people to get married. If this never evolves they sometimes get divorced later on. Sex is expected here, usually not agreed on how often or what kind. A lot of sexual frustration, cheating and withholding of sex for a tit for tat exchange happens here. One partner might still expect the relationship to more like the physical level, and another partner might long for a deeper connection. If the friendship is strong the relationship can last even after the physical attraction has faded.
Next consciousness growth level involves the heart chakra, and this is very different, now a greater love, a greater desire for giving is involved. The capacity for unconditional love is involved. Giving becomes more important than taking. If this is where you are, and you hook up with someone who is on the physical plane, you will not get the relationship that you want. Your giving will turn into resentment, and you will blame them simply for being at the level of consciousness that they have every right to be at. (Human rights issue at hand here.) Don’t try to get love though sex, instead, recognize where YOU are in your own consciousness, have enough integrity to only accept all of this, which is included up until this point. Don’t lie to yourself if you are at this level, never tell yourself that sex leads lo a great love, never accept less than what you desire hoping that it will change, and do not hold another person responsible if you fail to uphold your standards…. Sex, attraction, exchange of interest and ideas, and a great love belongs to this level. You can love without sex, but we are talking about sex here, so this physical attraction from the physical level is also included. (Otherwise it is a different kind of relationship.) You will open your heart chakra more and more. There same respect that you show for yourself you will also naturally want to show for your partner. These relationships have a very strong bond, and they tend to last.
Then there is of course spiritual centers such as the third eye and the crown chakra, but that is a different story for a different day. This is where Taoism and Tantra and such comes in. Books upon books have been written about this.
Many blessings to you.”
Essentially this is just a short, blog sized answer, but the bottom line is that sex can not be judged from the outside looking in, and we alone can say what is true for us.
When it becomes difficult to understand and interpret our own inner cues it is usually due to shaming.
Shaming is one of the lowest vibrations and it does not further spiritual growth, in fact it stops all growth in its tracks. Take a peek at David Hawkins scale of vibrations to understand this. It is THE LOWEST! It can NEVER bring you up, it can only drag you down to a very low unenlightened and depressed state.
Remember this next time someone tries to shame you!
The quickest way to understand this is to look to the decades long sexual abuses perpetuated under the protection of the Catholic Church. A beautifully ritualistic and devotional practice coming to a screeching halt in every church that a pedophile priest abused boys. Shaming around something as natural as sex can only lead to perversion and sickness.
Another example of shaming around something natural to the human existence, is around eating. Look at the West, and how we have produced shame around eating and now we have anorexia nervosa and bulimia, and obesity problems.
Pathologizing human existence makes NO SENSE.