Many of my clients have an upside down idea of unconditional love, whether it be a coaching client or a patient going through the rock bottom rough patch of treatment facilities, the enablers, the ones who has been sold on “love their abuser, love their addictions, love their way of trampling all over your boundaries, unconditionally”

Unconditional love begins at home, with yourself. You want to give your unconditional love to the emotionally broken because it is too painful to love yourself unconditionally. If they could only see your worth, maybe you could tolerate yourself too.

It is hard, this one is not easy, but you can do it, and here is how:

First of all: You are not alone.

Secondly: You were never inadequate; it was never about your worthiness.

The feeling of “not enoughness” was a defense mechanism that emerged in your young, developing mind to shield you from the pain of insufficient care in your environment. Acknowledging that a parent’s love, a caregiver’s provision, or the nurturing environment were insufficient would have been overwhelming for your vulnerable, growing nervous system to comprehend. This adaptation allowed you to learn how to meet your needs by aligning with those around you, but unfortunately, it came at the cost of disconnecting from essential aspects of your true self.

The pervasive narrative of “not enough” within our psyche stems from a lack of love and care in our lives, which became an integral part of our identity. We internalized the absence of care and identified it as our own deficiency. However, this belief is not true and never will be. “Not enough” served as a means to keep you safe and adaptable. It may have even played a role in preserving your life. We often forget that many of our ancestors had to disconnect from the essence of their being in order to survive wars, illnesses, social upheavals, and cultural changes that led to a world focused on manufactured scarcity rather than genuine flourishing. We have remained loyal to this suffering, mistakenly believing it to be an expression of love, for far too long. No matter how much we produce, we can never win the game of enoughness.

There is no amount of positive affirmations, workshops, or spiritual shortcuts that can save us. We cannot escape ourselves through distractions or numbness.

Endless searching and swiping will not bring us satisfaction. Material possessions, excuses, healing attempts—they will never be enough.

In a world built on artificial scarcity, nothing will suffice to compensate for the void or provide the profound contentment of resting in the embrace of authentic love, which is our birthright. A scarcity-based world will never offer the resources, support, nourishment, and love that we naturally require. It refuses to release us from the unconscious ancestral vows and contracts we made along the way, binding us to the belief that we must embrace suffering as a form of love and that growth can only arise from pain. This world will never be enough because it conceals the truth that this lack of love is hurting our collective hearts and damaging the ecosystem of life on our planet. It will never be enough because it has erased grief from our vocabulary, leaving us with a sense of flawed humanity for merely feeling our emotions.

Yet, it is precisely grief—the very thing that can heal us—that holds the key. Our grief is love. It is vitality. It is the yearning, knowing, longing, and caring within us. It is grief that will liberate us and guide us back to the truth of our own essence.

It is grief that will integrate our shame, restoring us to wholeness.

Grief is your pathway to freedom.

You have always, always, ALWAYS been enough. Embrace more love, not less.