Q: Can you manifest an SP, alienation from teenage child?
(Revision, inner conversations, change a specific person, heal a relationship)
“I have been suffering from what is called parental alienation. That’s when your ex poisons your kids against you basically brainwashing them. My 16-year-old daughter moved out two years ago and I got a court ordered counseling and she is so furious at me for ordering the counseling but now she won’t even speak to me. Even though I stopped forcing the counseling I stopped everything through the legal system. But I still cry multiple times a day even though I tried to release her. I put away all her photos and things that remind me of her I’m trying to heal. I decided to get a puppy to try to take my mind off my lost daughter. Sometimes it helps. Gives me something else to nurture I’ve always just been a mom now I don’t know what I am anymore“
A teenager is no different than any other “SP”. A specific person can be anyone, a boss that treats you badly or anyone else that you want a better relationship with.
You are in charge of this. You, as the mother, have the power to heal this relationship, so you need to step into your power. Unfortunately you can’t wallow in this misery anymore. It has to stop.
Bring her pictures back out. Love her every day. You can’t not love someone that you love. Obviously. Why even try?
This begins and ends with you, and the first thing is to find your happiness, that is NOT dependent on keeping her on the hook for your happiness. She is the child, and you are the adult, you are responsible for learning emotional stability and then modeling that behavior to her. You are her mirror.
In fact, you are her most important mirror.
The parents role is incredibly powerful and we serve as their source of mirrored self love, in the same way that God mirrors the emotion of unconditional love to us. Stepping into this power as a parent shifts the power dynamic back to its natural place.
She has to be allowed off the hook for keeping you happy. NOT her job. That is a power IMBALANCE.
Now, you also need to be off the hook for keeping her happy, if she has a tantrum, you are still level headed and emotionally stable. If she goes through a teenage faze from hell, you are still level headed and emotionally stable. NO MATTER WHAT may come, you are still level headed and emotionally stable. Do not depend on her whims anymore for your happiness, that is a power imbalance that should never happen.
(Sorry about the douchebag other parent, but truth will prevail in the end.) Keep sending her some messages on some sort of a schedule, that is not oppressive, stalkerish, or crying, desperate, or needy.
“A simple I love you, hope you are doing great” is enough.
The same message always comes to mind in broken relationships, and it is, you have got to let the other person OFF THE HOOK for your happiness. All the way. I’ll keep saying it until it sinks in, because she says that you make her feel guilty. There is no half-assing this.
Let me share with you another answer from the group so that you can see the poison that a bitter hearts spreads, and how that poison seeps into every relationship in your life:
“My sister and my sons father poisoned my relationship so bad with my son that he kicked himself out of my house at 14, moved in with his grandparents and cut contact with me. Hasn’t spoken to me in 3 years without calling me all kinda of shit. Finally just had to cut him completely from my mind, and heart before he actually managed to shatter my heart completely. Survived 9 heart attacks. Cut 99% of family out of my life. Couldn’t take anymore of their narcissistic petty bullshit anymore. Doubt I will ever get to meet my granddaughter. I just live life and hope someday the kid gets his head out his ass and wakes up to all the damage he caused lying, stealing, and hurting people.”
PLEASE never take advice from a person who has created poison and alienation in their closest family relationships! You can’t create love from hate, it will never work.
You are the creator, remember that.
Love and a shattered heart is something that can happen, grief and heartache is a real risk of love. If there is no risk of grief of heartache or grief there is no real love. This fact of life is not meant as a reason to back away from your creative powers, rather, it is an invitation to surrender your ego in love, because ego and love do not play well together. Think about how your parents someday pass away, this is an example of how grief and love coexist. Be brave enough to invite the possibility of a shattered heart into your love for your children. They are not put on the planet to feather YOUR nest, they are Gods own, and not yours, so love them as if they are Gods own. They literally are.
Your children mirror your inner state rapidly and effectively, and I promise you that when you get a grip and take responsibility for embodying a stable loving emotional inner peace, you will see it reflected from them.
I am both a daughter and a mother (soon grandmother) and I know, that holding our negative view of our family members in place, when there is even any hint of resentment, gives them no room to become a different, better version of themselves. This is really Neville 101. How you insist on seeing them is how they will continue to show up in your world.
Insisting on nursing that wound of having been rejected by your daughter, and continuing to uphold the idea of “parental alienation”, instead of going to work on yourself, healing your bitterness and turning it into betterness, keeps this situation in a stronghold indefinitely. A bitter heart is poison for ALL relationships. A parent has a tremendous amount of manifestational and prayer power over the wellbeing of their child, much much more than any other human being and this power needs to be tapped into again.
Restore your power in this relationship, and by power I mean “loving stability that is unshakeable”.
The shift of state is the first step, this is the one and only necessity in manifesting and in healing. Move out of the state of hurt, bitterness, rejection and into the state that you love, happy, loving nurturing mom. You got a puppy just for that purpose, remember? Digging into the Neville Goddard toolbox, you can bring out “INNER CONVERSATIONS“. Using this tool as often as you like, get your daughters picture out, look at her, talk to her, talk about old memories, talk about what you did today, in your mind hear her respond. Hear her laugh at funny memories, hear her compliment the dinner you cooked, and hear her tell you “I love you too”.
Bring your daughters face to mind, imagine looking over at her, seeing her laughing, happy to be there with you, and feel that feeling inside of you of having just seen har laughing.
(It is important to remember that the outer mirrors the inner, and in a situation when a loved one rejects us there is an indication that you already had some internal rejection story playing out. If you feel like you need to get counseling around that rejection, story you should. If you felt that your daughter could do with counseling, then it should be easy to see how you also could benefit from this.)
Beyond this, water the seeds in your happiness garden. Model happiness, stability and goodness to her, by being happy, stable, and good. This will work out in the end. Hang in there Mama,
You’ve got this
Dr Anna Bäck