Detaching Love from External Factors: Building Genuine Self-Love

Detaching Love from External Factors: Building Genuine Self-Love

Associating love with external elements like beauty, fame, or wealth can unwittingly expose you to potential manipulation and abuse. Real love transcends these surface-level attributes. Let’s explore the consequences of tethering love to external validations and delve into the power of cultivating authentic self-love.

The Fallacy of External Validation

Using beauty, fame, or money as a means to gain love can set a dangerous precedent. Believing that you’ll only be loved when you attain these attributes opens you up to potential abuse. It’s crucial to understand that acquiring these things doesn’t inherently invite abuse; it’s the mindset of seeking love through them that’s problematic.

Recognizing True Love in Yourself

To identify genuine love in others, you must first recognize it within yourself. Seeking validation externally obscures your inherent worth. Seeking validation externally masks your inner worth, something that you are born with, a worth that id natural and that you do not have to change yourself to achieve or become. Without self-love, you’ll struggle to identify genuine love from others. It’s your responsibility to foster this self-love, irrespective of external factors.

Path to Vulnerability

Relying on beauty, fame, or money as your attractive power, or your pathway to “getting” love, actually increases your vulnerability to betrayal, manipulation, and abuse. From a LOA standpoint, this is a “state” of unworthiness” that continues to manifest cycles of more of the same. This isn’t due to an increase in abusers, but stems from your desperation for love that is tied to these attributes. Abusers target this desperation and look for ways to exploit it, even if they are not conscious of it. Misery loves company. It is a state that has the correct opposite forces within it. The victim and the abuser exist within the same “state”( See Neville Goddard about states)

Perpetrators and Victims

Perpetrators are constantly seeking victims, regardless of whether you possess external attributes or not. That is of course what they do, but you don’t have to be visible in THAIR reality. Your focus on these attributes, such as “getting” love through beauty, fame, or money, CAN make you vulnerable, it doesn’t have to be so, if you are aware, however, it makes you stand out to them, providing an “in” to your psyche. Unfortunately, you might overlook red flags in your quest for validation, leading to a vicious cycle. The missing link: self-love, or self-concept.

The Mindset Shift

Meeting someone with a solid sense of self-validation presents a marked contrast. Those who value themselves independently of external factors are less likely to fall for flattery or manipulation. They’re attuned to red flags and establish healthy boundaries naturally.

Natural Boundaries and Self-Compassion

Natural boundaries within individuals assess others on a case-by-case basis. Self-compassionate individuals discern when to set up firm boundaries and when to be open-hearted. These boundaries aren’t rigid walls but flexible safeguards that ensure emotional well-being.

Decoupling Love from External Factors

To truly experience love, disentangle it from your appearance, fame, or wealth. Connecting love to these attributes generally only attracts superficial attention. Allow love to flourish independently of these factors, and ensure that your understanding of others OR YOURSELF isn’t clouded by these superficial lenses.

The Role of Self-Love

Beauty, fame, and money don’t equate to genuine love. These attributes are transient and won’t guarantee lasting affection. Self-love, on the other hand, is an unwavering foundation. Don’t be swayed by opinions suggesting self-love is unnecessary; it’s your shield against manipulation.

Finagling the way is manipulation not manifestation:

Neville Goddard highlighted the importance of “embodying “going to the end” aka, the desired outcome, within our consciousness. He never suggested that using manipulative tactics would somehow help manifest anything. For the law of assumption, finagling will only delay your results.

“When I decided to marry the lady who now bears my name I applied this principle. At the time I was terribly involved. I had married at the age of eighteen and became a father at nineteen. We separated that year, but I never sought a divorce; therefore, my separation was not legal in the state of New York. Sixteen years later, when I fell in love and wanted to marry my present wife, I decided to sleep as though we were married.”

“While sleeping, physically in my hotel room, I slept imaginatively in an apartment, she in one bed and I in the other. My dancing partner did not want me to marry, so she told my wife that I would be seeking a divorce and to make herself scarce – which she did, taking up residence in another state. But I persisted! Night after night I slept in the assumption that I was happily married to the girl I love. ”

– Neville Goddard

A Final Note

Linking love exclusively to external attributes leaves you vulnerable to abuse. True love, whether self-generated or received from others, transcends these superficial markers. The Law Of Assumption does not suggest any need to qualify one desire upon anything physical whatsoever. Shift your focus from seeking external validation to nurturing self-love and self-concept.

“Love is our birthright. Love is the fundamental necessity of our life. Do not go seeking for that which you are. Those who go seeking for love only make manifest their own lovelessness and the loveless never find love. Only the loving find love and they never have to seek for it.” – Neville Goddard

The reverse order of this manipulative inner state is also what is at the heart of Neville Goddard’s quote:

Always go to the end. Dwell in the end, and you will hurt no one. But if you try to devise the means, you are, well, messing the whole thing up. I have had people say to me, “You know, I want that man, and no other man.”

I said, “No, you don’t; you want to be happily married. You don’t want that man or no man.”

“Oh, yes, that man or no man.”

Then, of course, this always shocks them.

I say, “If he dropped dead right now, would you want to be married?”

“Well, he isn’t going to drop…”

“I didn’t ask you that. If he dropped dead right now, or if he is right this very moment accused of being the world’s greatest thief or murderer, do you still want him”

“Well, now, why ask those questions, Neville? I want that man.”

But, you see, it isn’t that man. They want to be happily married. I have gone to so many weddings where it was either that man or none, and it wasn’t “that man”! And they are embarrassed when they see me standing in the aisle, because it had to be “that man or no man,” and here it isn’t that man at all. And they walk down the aisle – they are happy with their new mate, but a little sheepish as they pass by because they know I know he was not the man.

In this case, being hung up on the wrong person is essentially the same manipulative tactic: If I only have THAT person, then I will feel Loved/whole/complete. Instead, GO TO THE END of your actual desire, and stay in that state, the rest will follow.

Be loved.

Feel loved.

Give love.

Dr Anna Bäck

“To love is to recognize ; to be loved is to be recognized by the other”

― Thich Nhat Hanh

“But I’ll tell you one thing, do not concern yourself with the means. Always go to the end. Dwell in the end, and you will hurt no one. But if you try to devise the means, you are, well, messing the whole thing up…. You want to be happily married.  All right, go to the end. You are happily married.”

– Neville Goddard

You are in Barbados!

You are married!

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