Claim your desire! Go from wish to decision like this

Claim your desire!

Manifesting can get so overly complicated so quick…. Let’s peel back the unnecessary layers, get back to basics and make it simple.

Questions about manifesting love can sound like: “My ex is a narcissist, he betrayed me and dumped me, how do I manifest him back?”

And then they get them back, and invariably, the question follows: “My boyfriend/girlfriend is a narcissist, they drink to much or say evil things, how do I make them change”. Then they leave again.

What a fun cycle is that….

Typically, at some point, the manifesting answers start to sound like: “There is no one to change but self, so you need to be “that sexy bitch” or that divinely masculine man, and everyone will want you and they will se what they are missing.” So you change yourself, especially your appearance and you start they day with your “self love affirmations”. But you feel like shit. And you obsess over why they havn’t come back yet, or why they haven’t changed yet.

In my opinion, this is not a healthy cycle, and it isn’t a happy cycle. At least I don’t see any happy people around this.


None of what I mentioned above is manifesting.

It is manipulation.

It can be hard to understand why that is manipulation, but see the thing is, if you are ingenuine, if you are not yourself, just so that you can keep this person, bring back this person, or change this person, then you are manipulating. If you were yourself, would they want you? If you loved and accepted yourself would you even be manifesting them? Or would you be manifesting other things, maybe you would be manifesting a career, or a business, or an education?

I hear “But I love them” in the same sentence that explains why they are so horrible….

That is not love.

If you want a real simple example of what claiming your desire (your sp) sounds like, it goes like this:

I am Anna, xyz is my mom. Or xyz is my sister. That is a claim. There is no hesitation, and you don’t wonder about your status as a daughter or sister, or whatever. Practice it a few times, practice it with your whole family.

I am so and so’s cousin. Claimed.

So and so is my brother. Claimed.

Now do it with your sp.


Give yourself the title that you want here, is it gf? Is it soulmate? Is it husband/wife? Go STRAIGHT to the end, and skip go.

You aren’t “maybe sometimes possibly” your mothers’ daughter, because sometimes she acts like you are annoying. Maybe you don’t like her, but you still know that you are her daughter (or son) it is clear and you don’t hesitate in your title. If you want to manifest your sp, you can’t hesitate, you have to know what you want, and that means that you have to know who you are. “So and so is my wife.” Claimed.

Now, what about all that negative talk, how do you think that affects your relationship? Do You think that because they didn’t hear you say it it won’t matter? It will matter, it matters because you think it matters. If you think it matters it TURNS INTO matter. (Hardens into fact) You don’t even have to speak it to anyone, or write a long complaint post on Facebook, it still turns into matter. All you have to do is ruminate over it, imagine it in you inner conversations. If you keep thinking it over and over, he/she is a narcissist, is an addict, is mean, is a cheater, doesn’t treat you right, you will prove yourself right.

Let’s use a simple example to illustrate.

My cat is the cutest thing in the world. My cat is claimed by me as “my cat”. I tell her this too, that is is in fact “my little cat’ and that she is “the cutest little cat.” Claimed.

Sometimes she wakes me up at 4 am by running across my chest and doing a sort of a howl miaowl that wakes the dead. It wakes me at least. She wants a leetle pre-breakfast snack, so she runs back and forth between jumping on my chest and the food bowl.

Now, it is annoying, I’ll give you that, but don’t start bitching about her personality defects in my head, I don’t call my friend, I don’t start a support group for owners of foodaholic cats, I don’t go on Facebook Neville groups to post about how I have my cat, sure, but she is a foodaholic and she needs treatment, and she needs to apologize to me or else.

I don’t start a war in my head, against my cat.


She is still my cute little cat, she is IN FACT still my cute little cat, and I lock her out of the bedroom sure, but when I get up I give her breakfast and pet her, and we talk about how cute she is.

Number one. She is claimed by me.

Number two. Her tantrum has nothing to do with anything, it doesn’t concern anything, it doesn’t affect anything because she is the cutest little cat.

Read that again.

This might sound too simplistic when it comes to human relationships, but do you REALLY want it to be so complicated? So dramatic? Do you want to ruminate about your sp’s bad habits? Or do you want to talk to them about how adorable they in fact are, and great it is that they are your man/woman, and how lucky you are that they are your amazing, adorable, inspiring, kind hearted, thoughtful, expressive, creative, whatever amazing qualities they happen to have that just makes you smile….

Number one. Claim.

Number two. Let it go. It doesn’t matter.

So what about all that no one to change but self stuff that got so complicated at the beginning of the post?

It doesn’t mean change, it means that you have to change how you see yourself.

Self acceptance.

Don’t become “that sexy bitch” (unless that is who you are of course, you sexy little bitch you).

If you are a quirky weirdo who is a badass at calculus, be self accepting, be that, be you and love the hell out of that.

If you are anxiety ridden, knows everything about death statistics, and have an aversion to all things chemical because it poisons the human soul, then be you, love that anxiety to the moon and back and embrace every ounce activist that lives in you.

If you are a lazy slob who loves to knit, be that, that is you, go all out on your youness.

There truly is only one you, and you are meant to be here, and you are meant to be exactly THAT. You are not meant to be Kim Kardashian, or Beyonce. You are a brand name all unto yourself. become your own brand, genuinely, authentically and whole heartedly. no one else can fill your place. If you think that that is impossible, because you are just so….. whatever you lame shit you might be thinking….well, think again. You ARE something, and inside of you, you already know that.

Start to let that show. Show the world who you are. You can start small if you need to, but start.

When your sp comes back to love you, they will stay forever, and they will cherish the real you, and all manipulations will end. You will never fear that it will fall apart again. When Neville says No one to change but self”, this is what he means. Become the real you. Right now, maybe you are the only person in the world who knows who the real you are, or maybe you don’t even know. Think how hard it is for your sp then, if you don’t know who you are, how are they supposed to know?

Self acceptance equals acceptance from other people. We manifest what we are, not what we want.

Step one. Claim,

Step two. Let it go. It doesn’t matter, or else it will turn into matter.

Step three. STOP manipulating and start MANIFESTING.

Now. If they don’t love you for who you are, then at least you do, and that matters a lot more. And guess what? You won’t care as much as you thought… And when someone comes along…who loves you for you…it’ll be the most amazing love story the world has ever seen (in your universe anyway), you very own fairy tale.

But what do you know….when your sp actually does come back when you are fully you, usually they come back as brand new as you. As the better version of themselves. Just like you. That version is a keeper.

Dr Anna Bäck

Photo by Jonathan Borba

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